I choose gentleness

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS…

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it only be of myself.

Max Lucado

God working in the midst of adversity

As i lay down to fall asleep, i was pondering about the positive things that i've seen happen, seemingly in the shadows of the adversities of this past weekend.

I had to rush ds to the ER with abdominal pain friday nite while we were at bible study. i hate seeing Tigeroo suffer. I got to see the love of my sister in Christ in action, as she dropped everything, took my keys, and drove me to the ER, waiting with me till dh could join me. she kept dd for the night.

DS was in the ER all day saturday, running multiple tests, and i had to watch him in discomfort. He kept saying "i wish i were YOU mommy", and I kept saying "I wish I were You tigeroo, so that I could have that pain for you" I was blessed to have the reminder that Jesus DID put himself in my place, he bore my griefs, carried my sorrows, was wounded for my transgressions, and was crushed for my iniquities.

Hubby and I were both sick that night, and the following day after we got back from the hospital. We laid on the couch commiserating with each other. I'm so glad that we had that time to have compassion on each other. usually when i am well, it's difficult to empathize with my hubby when he is sick and vice versa. I saw dh put my needs before his as he stayed home from work and shopped for me and drove me to Tigeroo's dr. appt. and was grateful for the inner knowledge that Christ's love is still at work in our marriage.

I spent the previous week frustrated with my son's high energy, and focused on his weaknesses and areas that I felt were lacking and developmentally behind. I've spent this week with new perspective, grateful that my son is still with me, that i have yet another day to treasure him and love this little guy. I've been reminded of the gentle spirit that i don't always take time to see.

And then God reminded me of Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." The trials we went thru this past weekend weren't good in and of themselves. But I'm so grateful for the way God has worked good things in my heart in the midst of the difficulties. And I'm wanting those adversities to become mere shadows, in the light of Jesus himself.

Earth is not my final destination. Should i truly expect my time here on earth to be free of trials? What is my purpose here on earth? Am I living it for my purposes, or am I living my life in response to the one who created me? If i had no adversity here on earth, would i see how i fall short, and how much i need God's grace? would i long to be united with Christ one day? Would i be inspired to share the hope that i have in Christ? Would i experience that everything is rubbish compared to the worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord?

These are my ponderings as I head to bed.

A mother's prayer

O Lord,
I need your help today.
I want to care
for those you've sent into my life,
to help them develop the special gifts
you've given them.
But I also want to free them
to follow their own paths
and to bring their loving wisdom
to the world.

Help me
to embrace them without clutching,
to support them without suffocating,
to correct them without crushing.

And help me
to live joyfully and playfully, myself,
so they can see your life in me
and find their way to you.
Amen.

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/mother.html

Walk in love

God has really been convicting me lately that He wants me to be a person who loves others, and sees them as his loved creation. I have been convicted for awhile now that I am too focused on task, and it was really apparent to me at work, where i see that my relationships have been suffering with conflict because i am not taking the time to care about people.

My prayer about 3 weeks ago was "help my work to be about people. not tasks. please show me what this means, practically. how to do this. how to live a life of love. how to imitate God in this area." Even though I knew what was wrong, and that God wanted me to love others, I couldn't see HOW to do this! So this weekend at church, I had Kurt pray with me, and I believe it was in response to my seeking Him in this way that He opened my eyes! It's been a work that God is doing in me, but it all came together for me this past weekend.

God showed me that life is not a business contract. i have been operating with people out of necessity, not out of desire. if i go to the store, i would be pleasant, but not pleased to be interacting with other people. they were an means to an end. My experiences in missions and support raising also contributed to viewing people as a resource :( AND God just opened my eyes to show me that my relationship with HIm is not a contract either where i am to be following Him because he is a means to an end.

People are important! God is giving me a new love for people, and helping me to set aside the judgement that i have struggled with for so long, and to embrace people...faults, weaknesses and all.

Jesus didn't just focus on the task of giving his life for us. He could have come, skipped ministering to people, caring about people, loving people, and simply given His life for us. Instead, He did it in love. (Gal. 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who LOVED ME, and gave himself for me.")

Eph. 5:1-2 "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. WALK IN LOVE, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

God wants me to love Him, and to love others. to love my neighbor in the same way i myself long to be loved. we are His hands and His feet. He has commanded us to love one another, that our joy may be made complete.

so what does this look like? taking a genuine interest in the people around me. seeing them! making eye contact. asking them about themselves. serving them, loving them in whatever way presents itself. reaching out to others to let them know you care. stopping to talk instead of walking by. believing the best, assuming postive intent instead of jumping to the worst conclusion. giving the benefit of the doubt. walking in grace. reflecting feelings and showing compassion. going out of my way to think of someone and call them to ask if you can meet a need. God did not intend for me to recluse myself in my house with just my family. I can be a catalyst to show them and lead them to learn how to love others. i need to seek for what i can learn from others. I can be open to relationship and to seeing what God will do in our lives corporately. God uses us in each others lives. Perhaps i have not discovered completely who i am, because i have been hiding. it is in relationship that you learn about yourself, that you reveal yourself, that you share who you are.

Lord, i pray that you would help me to continue to grow in this area. I want to love unconditionally and unselfishly. Not holding back in sharing today what i can with others. If you give me opportunity, may i speak of your love and share the hope that i have.

UPDATE 11/14:
I had several connections with people today that i normally don't have. I was able to genuinely pray for and listen to and love D at work re: her situation. i connected more with the moms at MMO and engaged them more in conversation than normal. S bore her heart to me about her situation with her MIL, and we embraced in a hug. I am so amazed at how God is opening doors for me in relationship to those around me. i am not afraid to talk to others. if i am thinking about how i can love and care for someone, then i am not thinking about what they are thinking about me, if that makes sense.

i had a curry

that's what a british friend said to our Bible study group a few years ago, and we giggled the whole time afterwards because it just sounded funny. I miss Emma :(

anyways, I made a wonderful curry/dahl http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=4917.0the the other night, and it was *really* good, esp. considering that I'm the one that made it, lol. I honestly could eat this morning (scrambled with eggs), noon and night. Abbi gave me the recipe, as well as her leftovers, and inspired me to try to cook something new. When dh was living in Nepal, that is what he ate 24/7 "Dahl Bat" and i don't think this probably lived up to his expectations, but at least now i am brave enough to try other variations and perhaps even an authentic Nepali recipe. Me eating lentils....who'd have guessed ;-)

the Glad Game...

I feel compelled to play the glad game. It is the game Pollyanna played, about finding the silver lining in every cloud, and finding something to be glad about. "in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God"

so here are my attempts.

1. even though we don't have our own yard, i'm glad we have a playhouse and kiddie pool on our back patio, and that they can play in the common area safely.

2. i was having a wierd day today, so I made the choice to turn the day around, and went up to get a shower so that my day would feel like it was starting over. It worked!

3. I never got to see fireworks as a kid. I'm glad that i've had so many chances to see them as an adult, and can give that special memory to my kids. we weren't wanting to fight the crowds at the park tonite, but going on the garage rooftop ended up to be really quiet and very memorable! We could see all of the fireworks all over the city...it was so fun!

4. I'm glad that my kids are the ages they are. Tigeroo is little enough for me still to hold, and Miley fits just under my chin and i can easily still wrap her in my arms. In their own way, I can still cuddle them and be close to them. Help me enjoy them just the way they are Lord, and never be in a hurry for them to grow up.

5. I had to have my root canal retreated, and thru it all, I'm glad that i have dental insurance now to help defray the cost. I'm glad i found a great endodontist that i'm 100% comfortable with, and I"m glad i have a sister back in PA who's a dental assistant and gives good advice, and mostly, I"m just glad it's over, lol!

do justly, now. love mercy, now

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." -- The Talmud (Micah 6:8)

9 steps...

These are 9 steps that I came up with to be proactive in my struggle with anger.

1. Jesus is the unseen guest in my home, and I CAN hold my temper at home just as well as I do in public.
2. When I yell, it affects who my children are, and how they view themselves.
3. People are more important than things. It is better to be late, than to verbally damage my kids and be on time.
4. Use the power in my words instead of the power in my voice. Seek to influence rather than intimidate.
5. Plan ahead of time, so that time deadlines for being out the door are not as stressful (turn off tv earlier)
6. Go to my children (step 2) to make a 2nd request.
7. When I feel my blood pressure rising, take a deep breath and calm myself down.
8. Re-examine my agenda to see what can be changed so that everyone’s needs (including my own) are better met.
9. Focus on ONE thing at a time, instead of thinking of ALL that needs done.

Arkansas letter

http://susiesassafrass.livejournal.com/20388.html

forgetting what lies behind

a devotion from: Forward day by Day

For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and count
them as refuse.but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind. I
press on toward the goal.the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 3:8)

How could Paul "forget" his previous life, his old friends, his
past pleasures? After his blinding conversion, he was at first
sure that he could reach other Pharisees like himself, sure that
these old companions would see the light of Christ and join him on
his new journey. Staying faithful to their own sense of calling,
however, they rejected Paul. How hard it must have been for Paul
to fail-and yet he doesn't allow himself to wallow in pity or to
exert energy in anger; instead he trusts God to care for them and
turns his face to the future, to the "upward call of God."

My desks both at home and at school groan under the weight of old
papers and books. My shoulders often ache from carrying old griefs
and guilt. My heart is heavy with unresolved sorrows. All this is
what Paul would have me lay down, forget, "count as refuse," in
order to respond with grace and agility to that upward call.

"Forgetting" this part of my past would free me to turn to our
Lord, with gladness and singleness of heart.

to whom can we go?

this is from the devotion: Forward Day by Day

Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. (John
6:68)

God loves us so much-trusts us so much-that sometimes some of us
long to escape the responsibility that comes with acknowledging
God's love. The psalmist, who tried, recognizes the impossibility:
"If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost
parts of the sea," God is already there waiting. We cannot
escape.

We all have our own ways of trying: chronic busyness, television,
alcohol, food, sleep, sex, computer games, the internet. My
grandmother once wrote, "Books to me are like strong drink to a
drunkard," and I've inherited her tendency to escape work or
family responsibilities-even God-by losing myself in a book.

"Leave me alone," we sometimes want to say to God, but it chills
me to read those words because I really don't want to be alone. In
its deepest place, my heart knows its dependence on God and on
other people in my family and community.

It's not just his disciples that Jesus asks, "Do you also wish to
go away?" He asks us, too. And however much I sometimes want to
bow out, escape, renege on my responsibilities, I know that
Peter's answer must also be mine: "Lord, to whom can we go? You
have the words of eternal life."

Power of a Postive Face

The power of a positive face
reflection from Sparkpeople.com

"Have you ever contemplated how much a smile can change a person's day? Both the person who smiles and the one who sees it are positively impacted by such a small act. This seemingly tiny reflex can perk up a bad attitude, make you seem more warm and inviting, and often pass some happiness on to others. So the next time your alarm goes off for your 5 a.m. run or your dog barks in the middle of the night, smile instead of grumbling. You'd be surprised how a positive face can in turn become a positive and motivational attitude! "

i've been contemplating lately how i really want to be a more positive person. for me, it usually takes being purposeful about being positive, as it is easier to grumble or complain and to find the negative things to focus on. i mean, if you're looking for them (the negative), you're sure to find them! i find that if my focus is to assign positive intent to others and offer mercy, that my filter is a more compassionate one. So, something as small as a smile can be a way to be a more positive person. usually i'm concerned of being the goofy person walking around with a smile (hehe) but i think that when it's in an applicable situation, esp. one where it would be easy to get frustrated and impatient, that a smile would go a long ways towards being a positive influence.

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." Mother Teresa