Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...it's growing dusk, and soon the cold front will blow through and bring more snow. I realized that because we haven't packed up Christmas decorations, our outdoor ones stick out. this weekend will have to be soon enough.

I am thinking...about the generations past and the generations to come. about how I long for deeper connections with the generations before me. Every time i see a set of generations together (grandparent, child, and grandchildren) it does something funny to my heart.

I am thankful for...routine! i'm working at settling back into one, and i appreciate the normalacy that comes with routine. although the holidays really were wonderful too.

From the kitchen...the oven is on, and dinner is a cookin. i rearranged my kitchen for winter, and took the harvesty decorations down. My favorite holly berry wreath is hanging above my cabinets, which is definitely the touch that pulled it all together for me. My daughter also helped me, and thought it was so clever that we put a sign above the oven that reads "Kindess always warms the heart" ;-)

I am wearing...grey courderoys, a funky dark magenta shirt layered over a black shirt, and pigtails. my dr. even complimented me on my shirt today, and with her compliments are hard to come by, lol.

I am creating...DOVES. made out of paper plates, with tissue paper glued on. they're for my kiddos at church. they're actually turning out cuter than i pictured them.

I am reading..."A Window to the World" by Susan Meissner. It's about a girl whose best friend is kidnapped during the summer of their 8th year, and about how that colors Megan's way of viewing the world. i'm over half way through...(and i must admit i read ahead a little bit. yes, i'm one of those, lol)

I am hoping...that my MIL is responding to the chemo.

I am hearing...the sounds of "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". It takes a lot for me to sit down through an entire movie. I used to shake my head in wonder at my Mom who never sat through a movie, and now i *completely* understand, haha.

Around the house...we still have piles of Christmas gifts and decorations.

Here's a picture for thought I am sharing:

Gratitude Continued

i have a new goal. I haven't figured out how to link to it, but there is a circle of bloggers who are aiming to reach 1,000 things to be thankful for, so I am going to cumulatively count my thanksgivings. I know what you're thinking..."Better you than me" :)



6. in honor of my last post, i am thankful for my curly-ish hair ;) i don't always give in to the curliness, but i love that i have the option.

7. i am grateful for my friday night Bible study circle of friends. really, they are so much more than that. how can you limit a group of friends to one time slot, lol. i can't. these are my core group of friends that i know that, no matter what, they care about me for who i am, strengths and weaknesses and all, and it is such a joy to be a part of their lives.

8. i'm grateful for my hubby, who works hard to provide for our family, and that he doesn't make me feel bad about it in order to make himself feel better.

9. i'm thankful for the opportunity to play tennis with my son. even if the ball rarely makes it back over the net. (stop laughing!) hopefully when he is famous one day he'll credit me with having pointed him the the right direction. haha.

10. i'm thankful for the free swimming i'll get to do at the ymca this week, just because of where i work. what a cool perk to have this week, and a great way to end the summer with my kids.

IMPOSSIBLE

IMPOSSIBLE means that i,
an ordinary young woman,
can be something special and significant
in an enormous, hurting world.
i can be love where i live,
and that is Christ...

and He really does make ALL
the difference!

~quote from Ann Kiemel

5 days post surgery

I am now 5 days post-surgery, and doing well. dr. W ended up doing a lapriscopically-assisted vaginal hysterectomy, and he removed my uterus and cervix. When he went in with the scope, he found what he believed to be a grapefruit-sized degenerating fibroid. so he felt he could safely do surgery without doing a big 'ole abdominal incision. boy was i ever surprised, because he had been pretty certain he would have to open me up.

I am enjoying the quietness of the day, being able to chill out on the couch and crochet (I made a bible cover yesterday), read my Bible, journal, and also enjoy a little time with my mom. it had been 4.5 years since she was last here. We both have the same sense of humor (oh, you didn't know i had one, did ya?!) and so there are times where i'm telling her "stop! please stop!" cause i am howling from her stories.

Part of me is eager to be on the mend. I like to stay busy, and am fairly independent. It's humbling to need help. Part of me doesn't want the restfulness to end. It's been restful for my soul to have this time.

One thing that i've definitely come out of this experience is recognizing how much i need community, and need my brothers and sisters in Christ. whether it has been a card, a phone call, a meal, an email, a ride for my kids, or a visit, I have been blessed in so many ways by the fellowship that has surrounded me and my family during this season. We left ministry 3 years ago, and I think that I got to the point where I didn't want community at that time. I had been burnt in some ways that took time to heal from. And I've been awakened to the pain and suffering and hurt that is in the lives of so very many. My own pain and suffering opened my eyes to the needs of those around me. I don't want to go back to being an island. Lord, help me to find the way in which I can make a difference in those around me, and be your comforting and loving hands and feet in this community.

Walk in love

God has really been convicting me lately that He wants me to be a person who loves others, and sees them as his loved creation. I have been convicted for awhile now that I am too focused on task, and it was really apparent to me at work, where i see that my relationships have been suffering with conflict because i am not taking the time to care about people.

My prayer about 3 weeks ago was "help my work to be about people. not tasks. please show me what this means, practically. how to do this. how to live a life of love. how to imitate God in this area." Even though I knew what was wrong, and that God wanted me to love others, I couldn't see HOW to do this! So this weekend at church, I had Kurt pray with me, and I believe it was in response to my seeking Him in this way that He opened my eyes! It's been a work that God is doing in me, but it all came together for me this past weekend.

God showed me that life is not a business contract. i have been operating with people out of necessity, not out of desire. if i go to the store, i would be pleasant, but not pleased to be interacting with other people. they were an means to an end. My experiences in missions and support raising also contributed to viewing people as a resource :( AND God just opened my eyes to show me that my relationship with HIm is not a contract either where i am to be following Him because he is a means to an end.

People are important! God is giving me a new love for people, and helping me to set aside the judgement that i have struggled with for so long, and to embrace people...faults, weaknesses and all.

Jesus didn't just focus on the task of giving his life for us. He could have come, skipped ministering to people, caring about people, loving people, and simply given His life for us. Instead, He did it in love. (Gal. 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who LOVED ME, and gave himself for me.")

Eph. 5:1-2 "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. WALK IN LOVE, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

God wants me to love Him, and to love others. to love my neighbor in the same way i myself long to be loved. we are His hands and His feet. He has commanded us to love one another, that our joy may be made complete.

so what does this look like? taking a genuine interest in the people around me. seeing them! making eye contact. asking them about themselves. serving them, loving them in whatever way presents itself. reaching out to others to let them know you care. stopping to talk instead of walking by. believing the best, assuming postive intent instead of jumping to the worst conclusion. giving the benefit of the doubt. walking in grace. reflecting feelings and showing compassion. going out of my way to think of someone and call them to ask if you can meet a need. God did not intend for me to recluse myself in my house with just my family. I can be a catalyst to show them and lead them to learn how to love others. i need to seek for what i can learn from others. I can be open to relationship and to seeing what God will do in our lives corporately. God uses us in each others lives. Perhaps i have not discovered completely who i am, because i have been hiding. it is in relationship that you learn about yourself, that you reveal yourself, that you share who you are.

Lord, i pray that you would help me to continue to grow in this area. I want to love unconditionally and unselfishly. Not holding back in sharing today what i can with others. If you give me opportunity, may i speak of your love and share the hope that i have.

UPDATE 11/14:
I had several connections with people today that i normally don't have. I was able to genuinely pray for and listen to and love D at work re: her situation. i connected more with the moms at MMO and engaged them more in conversation than normal. S bore her heart to me about her situation with her MIL, and we embraced in a hug. I am so amazed at how God is opening doors for me in relationship to those around me. i am not afraid to talk to others. if i am thinking about how i can love and care for someone, then i am not thinking about what they are thinking about me, if that makes sense.

the Servant Song

This is one of our wedding songs that we had my sister and a friend sing as a duet. From the moment i first heard this song, i knew that i wanted to have it as part of our wedding. to me, these words are vows in their own way. I often think of this song as well when i think of my online GCM group of moms and all of the ways that we support one another along the journey.



Will you let me be your servant.
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant too.

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road.
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and share the load.

I will hold the Christ light for you.
In the nighttime of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you,
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I’ll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
‘Til we’ve seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in heaven
We will find such harmony
Born of all we’ve known together
Of Christ’s love and agony.