Darkness and silence

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever
state I may be in, therein to be content." ~Helen Keller

To only attain this level of contentment...

Going through a dark valley with much sickness in our family. Silence can be mistaken for God's lack of interest. Lord, help me to find wonder in your presence, for you have said that you will never leave me or forsake me, but that in your presence is fullness of joy.

the good

today i relax and take joy in the good of my life...
the simple things that overshadow the sadder,
more comlicated parts of life.

i am grateful for
♥ my new job in the nursery going well
♥ brunch with my family
♥ the joy of light-hearted laughter with loved ones
♥ the beautiful snow and no where to go
♥ the satisfaction that comes from decluttering
♥ that God is God and I am not
♥ for slowly finding a new normal

The Lord is my shepherd and nothing is wanting to me.
In green pastures He hath settled me.

Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...it's growing dusk, and soon the cold front will blow through and bring more snow. I realized that because we haven't packed up Christmas decorations, our outdoor ones stick out. this weekend will have to be soon enough.

I am thinking...about the generations past and the generations to come. about how I long for deeper connections with the generations before me. Every time i see a set of generations together (grandparent, child, and grandchildren) it does something funny to my heart.

I am thankful for...routine! i'm working at settling back into one, and i appreciate the normalacy that comes with routine. although the holidays really were wonderful too.

From the kitchen...the oven is on, and dinner is a cookin. i rearranged my kitchen for winter, and took the harvesty decorations down. My favorite holly berry wreath is hanging above my cabinets, which is definitely the touch that pulled it all together for me. My daughter also helped me, and thought it was so clever that we put a sign above the oven that reads "Kindess always warms the heart" ;-)

I am wearing...grey courderoys, a funky dark magenta shirt layered over a black shirt, and pigtails. my dr. even complimented me on my shirt today, and with her compliments are hard to come by, lol.

I am creating...DOVES. made out of paper plates, with tissue paper glued on. they're for my kiddos at church. they're actually turning out cuter than i pictured them.

I am reading..."A Window to the World" by Susan Meissner. It's about a girl whose best friend is kidnapped during the summer of their 8th year, and about how that colors Megan's way of viewing the world. i'm over half way through...(and i must admit i read ahead a little bit. yes, i'm one of those, lol)

I am hoping...that my MIL is responding to the chemo.

I am hearing...the sounds of "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". It takes a lot for me to sit down through an entire movie. I used to shake my head in wonder at my Mom who never sat through a movie, and now i *completely* understand, haha.

Around the house...we still have piles of Christmas gifts and decorations.

Here's a picture for thought I am sharing:

God is with us

"they shall call him Immanuel, which means 'God with us.'"

as we face all of the unknowns of 2010, this is the anchor that gives me hope.

God is Immanuel, and He is with me. He will not leave me or forsake me.

To quote the apostle Paul, I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

this is what i'm meditating on as i bring in the New Year. :-)

Our House Rules

Our House Rules

Love God and Love each other

Be Generous with Hugs and Warm Words

Be Patient and Respect each other

Practice Forgiveness
Be Kind and Tenderhearted

Pray Often Live with a Thankful Heart

Gratitude Continued

i have a new goal. I haven't figured out how to link to it, but there is a circle of bloggers who are aiming to reach 1,000 things to be thankful for, so I am going to cumulatively count my thanksgivings. I know what you're thinking..."Better you than me" :)



6. in honor of my last post, i am thankful for my curly-ish hair ;) i don't always give in to the curliness, but i love that i have the option.

7. i am grateful for my friday night Bible study circle of friends. really, they are so much more than that. how can you limit a group of friends to one time slot, lol. i can't. these are my core group of friends that i know that, no matter what, they care about me for who i am, strengths and weaknesses and all, and it is such a joy to be a part of their lives.

8. i'm grateful for my hubby, who works hard to provide for our family, and that he doesn't make me feel bad about it in order to make himself feel better.

9. i'm thankful for the opportunity to play tennis with my son. even if the ball rarely makes it back over the net. (stop laughing!) hopefully when he is famous one day he'll credit me with having pointed him the the right direction. haha.

10. i'm thankful for the free swimming i'll get to do at the ymca this week, just because of where i work. what a cool perk to have this week, and a great way to end the summer with my kids.

1. I'm grateful for my wonderful family...I know they are always there, and accept me for who I am.

2. I'm grateful for summer. For the peaceful, leisurely days that we can enjoy, even if it is going faster than i'd like.

3. I'm grateful for the lift that good music can bring me.

4. I'm grateful for the insurance we have. Though it may bring headaches and stress, it is a blessing i must acknowledge!

5. I'm grateful for my current health. I had fun playing volleyball last week, and despite what i cannot do, i'm thankful for the many things i CAN do!

Gratitude Quotes

We all have within our grasp much to be thankful for. Gratitude fills. Discontent drains. The choice is ours. ~Richard A. Swenson

Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you. ~Eileen Caddy

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. ~Helen Keller

the wonders of acidophilus

woohoo! I am in shock right now! I started ds on acidophilus about 5 days ago, hoping that probiotics would help him with his intestinal/constipation issues. well, of all things, it's helping his warts!!! He's had 2 nasty warts on the bottom of his feet, and today i checked his feet and realized...his warts are almost completely gone! I am beyond thrilled, as i have been concerned about them, and almost to the point of taking him to the dr. to treat them. i really wanted to be able to spare him the discomfort, and have been waiting it out, hoping that it'd go away on it's own. Thank you Lord!

so now i am trusting that this will also help his bowels regulate and that we'll eventually be able to pull him off of the laxatives. i'll keep ya posted ;)

Creator God we sing

Creator God we sing
a hymn of joy we're making
our grateful love we bring
as the new day's light is breaking.
God made the sea and land
the sun and stars came rolling
from God's own loving hand
their Creator's love extolling.

Alleluia, alleluia!
Creator God we sing: Alleluia!

Creator God we sing
your power and wisdom blessing
our hope and wonder bring
admiration now expressing.
The universe maintains
that God in might is dwelling
and we, in humble strains,
of God's beauty here are telling.

Alleluia, alleluia!
Creator God we sing: Alleluia!

http://www.missionstclare.com/music/c39.html

i'm grateful for

*turnarounds to a bad day with something as simple as love and a listening ear

*grandpas

*quiet moments with a cup of spiced chai tea

*Christmas carols playing everywhere I go

*God's grace that helps us in every circumstance

*recipes passed on to the next generation

*sisters to call

*a warm home with fires burning

my gratefulness 5

I am grateful:

1. that we have health insurance, lol. i'm sure my hubby wouldn't think this one is as funny as i do. ;-)

2. that all of my medical issues this fall were benign. thank you Lord for restoring my health and for all that You have taught me these last months.

3. for the family we've had visit us recently. After going 18+ months without seeing family prior to this summer, we are *drinking* in the love and blessing of time with family. I love seeing the kids interact with their grandparents.

4. for friends to call on the phone. sounds small to some, but HUGE to me. i went a long time without any close friendships.

5. for people who adopt children. i have some wonderful friends who blow me away with their open hearts and love for hurting and needy children. While i've said in the past that i'd love to adopt a child from Nepal, inside I see the selfishness that has crowded that idea out of my heart. If this is from YOU Lord, please give me back that desire when it is *Your* timing. And please strengthen Rene tonight as she begins her journey of adopting "S" and all of the transitions that "S" is facing as he unexpectedly joins their family today.

I am Blessed

God has reminded me lately that I am truly blessed, most of all with His steadfast love. I love the word steadfast…”firmly fixed in place; immovable; not subject to change”. This steadfast love is the love that has captured my heart! This song below was on my mind the morning of my hysterectomy, and with it came the peace that whether the worst or the best came, that it was my Father’s love for me that would see me through.



Thank you God for giving me the courage and the strength to walk through these past 2 months, and for all of the ways that you have surrounded me with your love.

5 days post surgery

I am now 5 days post-surgery, and doing well. dr. W ended up doing a lapriscopically-assisted vaginal hysterectomy, and he removed my uterus and cervix. When he went in with the scope, he found what he believed to be a grapefruit-sized degenerating fibroid. so he felt he could safely do surgery without doing a big 'ole abdominal incision. boy was i ever surprised, because he had been pretty certain he would have to open me up.

I am enjoying the quietness of the day, being able to chill out on the couch and crochet (I made a bible cover yesterday), read my Bible, journal, and also enjoy a little time with my mom. it had been 4.5 years since she was last here. We both have the same sense of humor (oh, you didn't know i had one, did ya?!) and so there are times where i'm telling her "stop! please stop!" cause i am howling from her stories.

Part of me is eager to be on the mend. I like to stay busy, and am fairly independent. It's humbling to need help. Part of me doesn't want the restfulness to end. It's been restful for my soul to have this time.

One thing that i've definitely come out of this experience is recognizing how much i need community, and need my brothers and sisters in Christ. whether it has been a card, a phone call, a meal, an email, a ride for my kids, or a visit, I have been blessed in so many ways by the fellowship that has surrounded me and my family during this season. We left ministry 3 years ago, and I think that I got to the point where I didn't want community at that time. I had been burnt in some ways that took time to heal from. And I've been awakened to the pain and suffering and hurt that is in the lives of so very many. My own pain and suffering opened my eyes to the needs of those around me. I don't want to go back to being an island. Lord, help me to find the way in which I can make a difference in those around me, and be your comforting and loving hands and feet in this community.

my Gratitude 5

1. my kids will be attending a VBS this coming week in the evenings, and i blown away that one of the moms has offered to adapt the church's dinners to be allergy-free for those who need it! Her son has allergies, and she runs an allergy-free daycare. I never in a million years would expect them to cater to us. This will be such a huge weight lifted off of me to not have to accomodate their needs this week...is that awesome or what.

2. I get to stay home this summer!!!!!!!! okay, not stay home, as in never go anywhere (lol) but I won't have to WORK for 3 whole months!!!!!!!! Yay!

3. I was able to actually bandage up one of dd's friends this afternoon, without totally loosing it. I don't handle blood and flesh very well, but i actually aced this, haha. (maybe it helped knowing that i was sending her back to her mom within the hour and wouldn't have to deal with it later)

4. i LOVE the cool summer evenings/mornings that we've been having. heck, i'll take this weather over 98deg. weather back east any day.

5. i have the greatest kids. and they have such awesome personalities. dd (9) is an ESFP and ds (5) is an ESFJ (dd is trapped in a family of all SJ's) studying their traits has made them more endearing to me :heart

In Christ Alone

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

God working in the midst of adversity

As i lay down to fall asleep, i was pondering about the positive things that i've seen happen, seemingly in the shadows of the adversities of this past weekend.

I had to rush ds to the ER with abdominal pain friday nite while we were at bible study. i hate seeing Tigeroo suffer. I got to see the love of my sister in Christ in action, as she dropped everything, took my keys, and drove me to the ER, waiting with me till dh could join me. she kept dd for the night.

DS was in the ER all day saturday, running multiple tests, and i had to watch him in discomfort. He kept saying "i wish i were YOU mommy", and I kept saying "I wish I were You tigeroo, so that I could have that pain for you" I was blessed to have the reminder that Jesus DID put himself in my place, he bore my griefs, carried my sorrows, was wounded for my transgressions, and was crushed for my iniquities.

Hubby and I were both sick that night, and the following day after we got back from the hospital. We laid on the couch commiserating with each other. I'm so glad that we had that time to have compassion on each other. usually when i am well, it's difficult to empathize with my hubby when he is sick and vice versa. I saw dh put my needs before his as he stayed home from work and shopped for me and drove me to Tigeroo's dr. appt. and was grateful for the inner knowledge that Christ's love is still at work in our marriage.

I spent the previous week frustrated with my son's high energy, and focused on his weaknesses and areas that I felt were lacking and developmentally behind. I've spent this week with new perspective, grateful that my son is still with me, that i have yet another day to treasure him and love this little guy. I've been reminded of the gentle spirit that i don't always take time to see.

And then God reminded me of Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." The trials we went thru this past weekend weren't good in and of themselves. But I'm so grateful for the way God has worked good things in my heart in the midst of the difficulties. And I'm wanting those adversities to become mere shadows, in the light of Jesus himself.

Earth is not my final destination. Should i truly expect my time here on earth to be free of trials? What is my purpose here on earth? Am I living it for my purposes, or am I living my life in response to the one who created me? If i had no adversity here on earth, would i see how i fall short, and how much i need God's grace? would i long to be united with Christ one day? Would i be inspired to share the hope that i have in Christ? Would i experience that everything is rubbish compared to the worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord?

These are my ponderings as I head to bed.

the Glad Game...

I feel compelled to play the glad game. It is the game Pollyanna played, about finding the silver lining in every cloud, and finding something to be glad about. "in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God"

so here are my attempts.

1. even though we don't have our own yard, i'm glad we have a playhouse and kiddie pool on our back patio, and that they can play in the common area safely.

2. i was having a wierd day today, so I made the choice to turn the day around, and went up to get a shower so that my day would feel like it was starting over. It worked!

3. I never got to see fireworks as a kid. I'm glad that i've had so many chances to see them as an adult, and can give that special memory to my kids. we weren't wanting to fight the crowds at the park tonite, but going on the garage rooftop ended up to be really quiet and very memorable! We could see all of the fireworks all over the city...it was so fun!

4. I'm glad that my kids are the ages they are. Tigeroo is little enough for me still to hold, and Miley fits just under my chin and i can easily still wrap her in my arms. In their own way, I can still cuddle them and be close to them. Help me enjoy them just the way they are Lord, and never be in a hurry for them to grow up.

5. I had to have my root canal retreated, and thru it all, I'm glad that i have dental insurance now to help defray the cost. I'm glad i found a great endodontist that i'm 100% comfortable with, and I"m glad i have a sister back in PA who's a dental assistant and gives good advice, and mostly, I"m just glad it's over, lol!