last day of 2009

so my daughters comment this morning was...

i wonder what i should do today on the last day of 2009, because there'll never be another one again.

sounds like a good question for all of us to think about.

and wouldn't this be a great attitude to have every day...to want to make the most out of today?!


whatever YOU do, enjoy your day :-)

Our House Rules

Our House Rules

Love God and Love each other

Be Generous with Hugs and Warm Words

Be Patient and Respect each other

Practice Forgiveness
Be Kind and Tenderhearted

Pray Often Live with a Thankful Heart

When Trials Come

Today I learn that i face yet another trial in my life.
Can anything separate us from the love of Christ?
Can trouble,
suffering,
and hard times,
or hunger and nakedness,
or danger and death?
In everything we have won more than a victory because of Christ who loves us.
I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love–
not life or death,
not angels or spirits,
not the present or the future,
and not powers above or powers below.
Nothing in all creation can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord! romans 8

Cancer is a 6 letter word

My MIL Barbara has cancer. Stage 4 breast cancer.She is an amazing woman. One who clings to her heavenly Father, and hopes in His purposes for her. I am amazed at how much tenacity she has shown as she faces her cancer. Often when our phone conversations end, I am the one hanging up more uplifted and encouraged, thinking that it should be the other way around. Let me just say, that if i face what she is one day, that I pray i have the same grace and strength. Recently a speaker at our church shared that we can pray for God to do in us what glorifies Him most. And I must say that God is absolutely being glorified thru Barbara's life right now.

The current state of her cancer. She has malignant tumors in her breast, in the lymph under her arm, and bone lesions on her leg, pelvis, lower and upper back, skull and sternum. During the hysterectomy she had 2 weeks ago, one of the polyps they removed also was found to have cancer, although it appears to have been self-contained. Since her cancer seems to be hormone fed, they are thinking that this hysterectomy will help alleviate a source of hormones that were feeding this cancer. It is unbelievable that she hasn't had any pain from these lesions. I think the oncologist is surprised that she is doing so well. She had a Zometa bone strengthening treatment 3 weeks ago, and that was when she felt pain in every one of those lesions, but even that was short-lived and went away after a few days.

So, her current treatment plan is:~Zometa IV treatment 1/x month (her 2nd treatment is June 6th)~Hormone (supression) therapy in the form of a daily pill (beginning on June 9th)~possible addition of a monthly injection to supress hormones, depending on which group the clinical trial places her in.

My MIL's motto has always been "I'll live 'til I die" which, if you think about it, is pretty profound, lol. This was her response whenever i would gently encourage her to seek medical advice about several health concerns that she's had over these past few years. So when she shared with us her cancer dx, I really wasn't sure what to expect her response to be. We want to respect whatever choices she makes, so if she comes to the point where she feels that she needs to stop treatment, we will do our best to support her. But for now, we are very thankful that she is willing to seek treatment, and we are thankful for more time with our mom, MIL and ma-ma. The question in my mind is always, how can we make the most of the time we have been given with her?

speaking of which, we are all excited to be able to drive to visit ma-ma at the end of June and spend a week with her. We'll get to visit her church and meet her new pastor which she raves about, celebrate her 64th birthday together, hopefully spend the 4th all together as a family, including BIL and his family, Camden Park, and who knows what else. As long as Barbara is feeling well, I'm sure we'll be on the go. We're talking about a woman who went out to eat with a friend 4 DAYS after her hysterectomy!!!! I guess you can't keep a good woman down ;-)

I choose gentleness

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS…

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it only be of myself.

Max Lucado

Walk in love

God has really been convicting me lately that He wants me to be a person who loves others, and sees them as his loved creation. I have been convicted for awhile now that I am too focused on task, and it was really apparent to me at work, where i see that my relationships have been suffering with conflict because i am not taking the time to care about people.

My prayer about 3 weeks ago was "help my work to be about people. not tasks. please show me what this means, practically. how to do this. how to live a life of love. how to imitate God in this area." Even though I knew what was wrong, and that God wanted me to love others, I couldn't see HOW to do this! So this weekend at church, I had Kurt pray with me, and I believe it was in response to my seeking Him in this way that He opened my eyes! It's been a work that God is doing in me, but it all came together for me this past weekend.

God showed me that life is not a business contract. i have been operating with people out of necessity, not out of desire. if i go to the store, i would be pleasant, but not pleased to be interacting with other people. they were an means to an end. My experiences in missions and support raising also contributed to viewing people as a resource :( AND God just opened my eyes to show me that my relationship with HIm is not a contract either where i am to be following Him because he is a means to an end.

People are important! God is giving me a new love for people, and helping me to set aside the judgement that i have struggled with for so long, and to embrace people...faults, weaknesses and all.

Jesus didn't just focus on the task of giving his life for us. He could have come, skipped ministering to people, caring about people, loving people, and simply given His life for us. Instead, He did it in love. (Gal. 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who LOVED ME, and gave himself for me.")

Eph. 5:1-2 "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. WALK IN LOVE, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

God wants me to love Him, and to love others. to love my neighbor in the same way i myself long to be loved. we are His hands and His feet. He has commanded us to love one another, that our joy may be made complete.

so what does this look like? taking a genuine interest in the people around me. seeing them! making eye contact. asking them about themselves. serving them, loving them in whatever way presents itself. reaching out to others to let them know you care. stopping to talk instead of walking by. believing the best, assuming postive intent instead of jumping to the worst conclusion. giving the benefit of the doubt. walking in grace. reflecting feelings and showing compassion. going out of my way to think of someone and call them to ask if you can meet a need. God did not intend for me to recluse myself in my house with just my family. I can be a catalyst to show them and lead them to learn how to love others. i need to seek for what i can learn from others. I can be open to relationship and to seeing what God will do in our lives corporately. God uses us in each others lives. Perhaps i have not discovered completely who i am, because i have been hiding. it is in relationship that you learn about yourself, that you reveal yourself, that you share who you are.

Lord, i pray that you would help me to continue to grow in this area. I want to love unconditionally and unselfishly. Not holding back in sharing today what i can with others. If you give me opportunity, may i speak of your love and share the hope that i have.

UPDATE 11/14:
I had several connections with people today that i normally don't have. I was able to genuinely pray for and listen to and love D at work re: her situation. i connected more with the moms at MMO and engaged them more in conversation than normal. S bore her heart to me about her situation with her MIL, and we embraced in a hug. I am so amazed at how God is opening doors for me in relationship to those around me. i am not afraid to talk to others. if i am thinking about how i can love and care for someone, then i am not thinking about what they are thinking about me, if that makes sense.

do justly, now. love mercy, now

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." -- The Talmud (Micah 6:8)

9 steps...

These are 9 steps that I came up with to be proactive in my struggle with anger.

1. Jesus is the unseen guest in my home, and I CAN hold my temper at home just as well as I do in public.
2. When I yell, it affects who my children are, and how they view themselves.
3. People are more important than things. It is better to be late, than to verbally damage my kids and be on time.
4. Use the power in my words instead of the power in my voice. Seek to influence rather than intimidate.
5. Plan ahead of time, so that time deadlines for being out the door are not as stressful (turn off tv earlier)
6. Go to my children (step 2) to make a 2nd request.
7. When I feel my blood pressure rising, take a deep breath and calm myself down.
8. Re-examine my agenda to see what can be changed so that everyone’s needs (including my own) are better met.
9. Focus on ONE thing at a time, instead of thinking of ALL that needs done.

Power of a Postive Face

The power of a positive face
reflection from Sparkpeople.com

"Have you ever contemplated how much a smile can change a person's day? Both the person who smiles and the one who sees it are positively impacted by such a small act. This seemingly tiny reflex can perk up a bad attitude, make you seem more warm and inviting, and often pass some happiness on to others. So the next time your alarm goes off for your 5 a.m. run or your dog barks in the middle of the night, smile instead of grumbling. You'd be surprised how a positive face can in turn become a positive and motivational attitude! "

i've been contemplating lately how i really want to be a more positive person. for me, it usually takes being purposeful about being positive, as it is easier to grumble or complain and to find the negative things to focus on. i mean, if you're looking for them (the negative), you're sure to find them! i find that if my focus is to assign positive intent to others and offer mercy, that my filter is a more compassionate one. So, something as small as a smile can be a way to be a more positive person. usually i'm concerned of being the goofy person walking around with a smile (hehe) but i think that when it's in an applicable situation, esp. one where it would be easy to get frustrated and impatient, that a smile would go a long ways towards being a positive influence.

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." Mother Teresa